


this beating heart of mine

by FierySkies



Category: Nier Gestalt | Nier
Genre: ??? i think, Character Study, Gen, Light Angst, i didnt even mean to start writing this it happened, meant to write a happy emil fic but as you can see that didn't happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 08:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20524979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FierySkies/pseuds/FierySkies
Summary: Emil was scared, and if he was being honest, a little terrified of how this would turn out.The dread weighing on him has only grown over time, nearly crushing him when he realized what they'd been killing could have been more, once. But there was nothing to be done about it, no time to dwell on it.Emil believed in them, and in the end, that was all that mattered.





	this beating heart of mine

**Author's Note:**

> and now i offer u my 3 am mess... if you see anything that's like obviously out of line feel free to tell me!
> 
> this is more of a light character study except i did not study at all orz

Emil loved his friends dearly, at their best and worst, for they were the first who accepted him for who he was. 

They were always there to encourage him, to comfort when he'd done something unforgivable. Even if Kaine tried to hide it, she was the kind, in her own way. He thinks even the others had noticed by now.

In the beginning, he was alone, with only Sebastian as company in the lonely mansion where time seemed to stand still. This was the way he'd wanted it, for awhile. To hide away from those he might hurt. 

He could only stand the silence of the mansion for so long, and how long had it been? Emil didn't know. Couldn't tell with how slow time seemed to pass. Maybe Sebastian could tell, because suddenly there were three more people in his life, even if Weiss probably didn't pass as a human to most. He was grateful to Sebastian for it, even if he sometimes wondered how he was doing without him. 

This mix-matched trio, with all their bickering and differences, was the first to accept his curse, easing his doubts about being a burden in a fight. They were his light, one that led him out of that cursed mansion.

\---------

The trend followed when he changed into his sister's skeleton-like form, and after Kaine recovered, she whacked him upside the head for thinking any of them would treat him any different for something so stupid as his appearance. He still had his fears of this new body, but he had his friends and their trust, and that was all he needed.

\---------

It was the incident in the Aerie that had him worried that maybe the shades weren't as mindless as everyone thought. But he couldn't bring it up, not when he wasn't sure. Especially not when Nier had already gone so far for his daughter, and when bringing it up couldn't change what had already been done. So he'd kept fighting, struggling, and when the giant mass forms in the middle, he had the horrible feeling this wouldn't end as well as he had hoped. And it doesn't, when he pushes himself too far and his magic explodes, taking the shades and townspeople alike with it. It hurt, knowing how many had to have perished in the blast. It was almost more than he could take. But he had to keep going. For Nier and his daughter, for Kaine and Weiss and their oddball relationship. He couldn't let them down, not when they were so close.

\---------

In the end, Emil knew what he had to do.

Between them and Yonah stood an enemy, wielding her sadness and anger as a weapon directed at those who caused it. Emil couldn't bring himself to hate her for it, but she was still a threat, ready to kill them for what they'd done. And she would if he didn't do something. For once, he was thankful to have this body, and the magic that came alongside it, because it was the only thing he could think of that could save his friends from such a blast. 

For once, he could help them as much as they've helped him.

But he didn't want to die alone like this, surrounded by a rolling abyss steadily getting closer with only the sound of static in his ears. 

He'd hoped to be with his friends awhile longer, but at least like this Nier would be able to save Yonah, and maybe even wrangle Kaine to live closer to the village so she wouldn't be as alone. She acted like it didn't bother her but he knew that kind of loneliness, and knew that it never really fades, not really.

He was scared of dying, scared for his friends and the threats they would face ahead. But he believed in them.

that was the least he could do, to repay the faith they'd had in him all this way

**Author's Note:**

> *nervous laugh* ok i was gonna write about afterwards when emil makes it out to go find them but had no idea how to go about it X)
> 
> this was really rushed and i didn't plan it at ALL but. thanks for reading!


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